Manufacturers of God would like to thank you for your belief and
patronage of our product. In order to better serve your needs, we ask
that you take a few moments to answer the following questions. You need
not disclose your name or address unless you prefer a direct response to
comments or suggestions.
1. How did you find out about God?
__ Newspaper
__ Television
__ Divine Inspiration
__ Word of mouth
__ Near Death Experience
__ Koran
__ Communist Manifesto
__ Tabloid
__ Burning Shrubbery
__ Bible
__ Torah
Other sources (specify):
2. Which model God did you acquire?
__ Yahweh
__ Father, Son & Holy Ghost Triplet
__ Jehovah
__ Jesus
__ Allah
__ Satan
__ God
__ None of the above, I was taken in by a false god
3. Did your God come to you undamaged, with all parts in good working
orderand with no obvious breakage or missing attributes?
__ Yes __ No
4. What factors were relevant in your decision to acquire a God?
__ Indoctrinated by parents
__ Needed a reason to live
__ Indoctrinated by society
__ Needed focus in who to despise
__ Imaginary friend grew up
__ Hate to think for myself
__ Wanted to meet girls/boys
__ Fear of murder by a missionary
__ Wanted to piss off parents
__ Needed a day away from work
__ Desperate need for certainty
__ Like Organ Music
__ Need to feel Morally Superior
__ My shrubbery caught fire and told me to do it
5. Have you ever worshipped a God before? If so, which false God were
you fooled by? Please check all that apply.
__ Zeus
__ The Almighty Dollar
__ Apollo
__ Left Wing Liberalism
__ Ra
__ Barney T.B.P.D.
__ The great Spirit
__ The Great Pumpkin
__ The Sun
__ Bill Clinton
__ The Moon
__ A burning cabbage
__ The Bomb
6. Are you currently using any other source of inspiration in addition
to God?
__ Tarot
__ Lottery
__ Astrology
__ Television
__ Fortune cookies
__ Ann Landers
__ Psychic Friends Network
__ Dianetics
__ Palmistry
__ Playboy and/or Playgirl
__ Self-help books
__ Sex,Drugs and Rock and Roll
__ Biorythms
__ Bill Clinton
__ Tea Leaves
__ EST
__ Mantras
__ Jimmy Swaggert
__ Crystals
__ Human Sacrifice
__ Pyramids
__ Wandering around a desert
__ Insurance policies
__ Burning Shrubbery
__ Barney T.B.P.D.
__ Other:
__ None
7. God employs a limited degree of Divine Intervention to preserve the
balanced level of felt presence and blind faith. Which would you prefer?
a. More Divine Intervention
b. Less Divine Intervention
c. Current level of Divine Intervention is just right
d. Don't know...what's Divine Intervention?
8. God also attempts to maintain a balanced level of disasters and
miracles.
Please rate on a scale of 1 - 5 his handling of the following
(1=unsatisfactory, 5=excellent):
a. Disasters
flood
1 2 3 4 5
famine
1 2 3 4 5
earthquake
1 2 3 4 5
war
1 2 3 4 5
pestilence
1 2 3 4 5
plague
1 2 3 4 5
AOL
1 2 3 4 5
Windows 98
1 2 3 4 5
b. Miracles
rescues
1 2 3 4 5
spontaneous remissions
1 2 3 4 5
stars hovering over towns
1 2 3 4 5
crying statues
1 2 3 4 5
water changing to wine
1 2 3 4 5
walking on water(except Cuyahoga)
1 2 3 4 5
talking flaming shrubbery
1 2 3 4 5
VCR that sets its own clock
1 2 3 4 5
Sadam Hussein still alive
1 2 3 4 5
Marlins winning the Series
1 2 3 4 5
Clinton's re-election
1 2 3 4 5
9. Do you have any additional comments or suggestions for improving the
quality of God's services? (Attach an additional sheet if necessary.)
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